The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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