apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
