she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
