how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is my gift to your gina
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
