I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
