I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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