At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
