I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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