i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
