just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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