i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
