if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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