Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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