I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
