So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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