so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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