I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
