i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
