Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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