so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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