Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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