Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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