why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
