I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
