She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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