that's an acceptable place to lick
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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