Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
