I feel like abortions should bother me more
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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