i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Are my feet made of real feet?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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