If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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