What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
