Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
