and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
wow bdsm is so cute
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
