I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
