I think I just saw someone hide a body.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
