I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your shirt... Was in my pants
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
