I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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