When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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