i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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