Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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