I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
