My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it glows. i had to have it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
