Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
