so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Never underestimate the power of titties
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
