i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
