i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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