tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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