So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
