this just has baby written all over it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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