But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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