p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
