I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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