i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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