I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize