you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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