dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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