She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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