Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
