he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
