I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
