i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
