Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
