yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
