I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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