YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
