After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
