Im at strip club and am horny
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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