i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
