All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize