hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize