Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
