um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
