Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize