Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
