I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
