The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
