This girl is more easily done than said...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
