I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We are two peas in an std pod
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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