hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
