Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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