My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
