This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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