Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
